Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Ketchup is God's man juice
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
