WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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