There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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