I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
A+ Viking dick
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