Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
