this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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