Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
