can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
