I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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