You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize