I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
