I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
