Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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