I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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