brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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