dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
