If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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