I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
