He disabled his match.com account in front of me
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
