i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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