i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Hippo gnu deer
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
