My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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