Swine flu. Run for my life!
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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