ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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