Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
