The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
