So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
