In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We're too hungover to prance.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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