I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize