why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Is Oprah even human
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
