Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
