We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
