I wish my penis had an off switch
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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