We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My vagina just recognized that song.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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