You smell like stripper and shame
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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