If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
we're so committed to being not committed
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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