when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
