What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
