her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
