i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
