you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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