Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
my poor anus
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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