You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
