Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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