I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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