found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
