just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
