so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
