a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize