Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Say something about gay babies.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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