well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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