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I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
