All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize