where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
