So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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