chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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