did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
