Your mouth is God's brothel.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
