His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
