I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
