I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
