New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
