I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
