The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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