I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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