My pussy is not your playground.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
