Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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