Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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