he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
