i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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