Got a toothbrush?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
