Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize