Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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