a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The struggles of a small town man whore
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
